


Let's Make A Deal

by schwartz1e



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: all of a sudden i just started thinking about who garfield's patron is and so, shouldn't that tell you enough?, this happened
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-22
Updated: 2018-09-22
Packaged: 2019-07-15 16:54:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,004
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16067339
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/schwartz1e/pseuds/schwartz1e
Summary: Garfield's business expertise didn't come from just anywhere.





	Let's Make A Deal

Garfield was down on his luck. In a sense, anyway. He was really just... unlucky. His luck was up...somewhere, beyond the stars, with the other planes, looking down on him and mocking him. 

He sighed and ran his fingers through his fur. “I’m really starting to lose it!” Garfield thought. “Just like I’ve lost everything else!” 

The tabaxi had been trying for months know to fulfill his dream of owning his very own store. His father and his father’s father had both been successful businessmen. Their shops were well established in his hometown. His grandfather had started out making and selling weapons, and his father expanded that business to include unique armor, and then, eventually, certain defensive and offensive buffing potions. Garfield inherited the forge and shop after his father passed. He grew up literally in the store; he had always been praised for his charisma and exceptional persuasive prowess. He thought he had learned everything he could about buying and selling and wheeling and dealing. 

This was not the case. 

Within two months Garfield wasn’t making enough money to keep paying the smiths. Within an hour of letting the last one go, he accidentally burnt down his family’s storefront, reducing his grandfather’s dream to ash and tinder. He fled the town, ashamed.

But Garfield found another town. He used his charm and his wits and soon found another shop to head--some old pawn shop, buying and selling so-called antiques. A month passed, and then another, and Garfield was pleasantly surprised to find that he was doing fairly well for himself. 

Until one day he woke up to find a mob outside of his store--torches and pitchforks and everything--all claiming to have been conned by him at some point or another. They wanted their family heirlooms back, for no charge at all. No amount of persuasion could change their minds, and so Garfield was forced to empty his shelves and shutter his doors. 

On and on this went. Garfield travelled all over Faerun, establishing himself in one town only to be driven out, lasting no longer than three months. 

He finally settled here, in some run-down tavern, barely able to pay for rent and food. Were it not for the tavern owner’s kindness and Garfield’s mediocre dishwashing abilities, he would’ve been living on the street. 

Garfield sighed. He took one last swig from his glass before placing it in the sink beside the other dishes from this evening’s dinner rush. Throwing a towel over his shoulder, he went into the dining room to do one last sweep for lingering mugs and silverware. As he walked past the tavern bulletin board, something caught his eye.

He hadn’t recalled seeing this particular advertisement this afternoon after lunch, so someone must have put it up during dinner. And how could anyone miss it? The paper was some sort of shiny material. It almost looked as though the paper was flecked with gold, sparkling like stars. In curling gold font, the ad read:

“Looking for a sign? Need an opportunity? Searching for a chance? Wait no longer! See me behind the tavern tonight.”

Garfield blinked. And blinked again, rubbing his eyes with his paws before looking closer at the cryptic advertisement. He pried it off the board--it wasn’t held on by any tacks or tape--and held it carefully between two claws, afraid of ripping the delicate paper. He read the message once more, and then shrugged.

“What have I got to lose?” he said aloud. And then he folded the paper and slipped it into his pocket.

\---

After the last dish had been dried and put away, Garfield wrapped his cloak around his shoulders and slipped out the tavern’s back door, into the inky blackness of the late night. His fur stood on end and his hackles raised as he looked around the alley behind the tavern.

Except he wasn’t standing in the alley behind the tavern.

The darkness around him was deep and yet not deep at all. Garfield reached out a paw curiously. It moved slowly through the air, as though he was pushing through jelly, but he couldn’t feel anything at all. He wasn’t hot or cold. Most importantly of all, though, Garfield was calm. He wasn’t sure what to expect here, but he knew he was in no danger.

He felt the darkness around him shift, and then the space exploded into a deep purple color, swirling with gold and silver stars. 

“Greetings, Garfield.” The voice seemed to come from everywhere around him. Despite his alert ears, Garfield smiled easily.

“Greetings,” he said. “To whom do I owe the pleasure?” 

“My name is too ancient for your language,” it said, “and it does not concern you. All you need to know is that I am here for you.”

“That sounds like a threat!” Garfield said. The entity around him seemed to chuckle.

“It is not,” it said. “It is...an offer.” Garfield’s ears twitched, but he said nothing.

“I’ve been watching you pretty closely, Garfield.” The voice slithered around the tabaxi like snakes. “I think we can really help each other out.

“You see, I’ve got an idea,” the entity continued. “It’s brilliant, really. An inter-dimensional, inter-planar franchise of stores that sell the most rare and highly coveted of items for a fraction of the price that they should cost. However, as I am an unknowable deity from who-knows-where, I can’t exactly run the physical storefront. That’s where you come in.

“I know you’ve been a little down on you luck recently, Garfield, but I see something great in you. You just need a little assistance. So what do you say? You help me run my business, and I give you magical abilities, business related and otherwise, beyond your wildest dreams. How does that sound?”

Garfield thought a moment, mentally calculating the risks and rewards, the costs and the benefits. Then, his yellow eyes glinted and he grinned, wide and terrible. 

“Sure,” he said. “Let’s make a deal.”

**Author's Note:**

> I love you.
> 
> Twitter: @schwartzie7
> 
> Tumblr: @fully-realized-creation


End file.
